So, the season starts after the summer of the drama of Season 1 - Thus, Quinn is no longer pregnant, having given birth, Finn and Rachel's love
In these episode, there's fighting, distractions of the bosomy kind, and a flagrant abuse of dog poop.
Enter at your own peril - for here be spoilers..
It starts with the creepy gossipy kid Jacob harassing everyone from the Glee club with a camera as part of some sort of exposé of his.
Rachel is still extremely controlling and annoying, Puck's gotten a vasectomy (no chances of any more mohawked kids there then), Santana went and got some breast implants, Brittany didn't go on vacation, she was just lost in the sewers, and rumour has it that Tina and Mike Chang are dating.
Tina claims that the assumption, based solely on the fact that they're both Asian, is racist, but then we see them holding hands...
One thing that's very clear though - the Glee kids are still as unpopular at school as ever.
Aww. Poor Kurt. That jacket's going to be a pain to get dry-cleaned.
May I also comment to say how amused I am that the writing on Jacob's microphone is based on Hebrew?
Being unpopular means that nobody's signing up for Glee, in comparison to the Cheerios who have a huge line of people putting their name on the sign up sheet.
And yes, that sign above the Cheerios sin up sheet does say 'No fatties.'
Mr Schue claims that he's not worried - Nationals are in New York this year, thus people will be dying to sign up! Sue doubts this, claiming that their 'No tryouts' tag-line means that no-one wants to join a club that anyone can sign up to. She, on the other hand, has a court summons for child endangerment, due to the amount of girls who have 'lost their humanity' lining up for the Cheerios sign up sheet since late July.
Sue: 'One girl ate a pigeon. Several others started worshipping a possum carcass as their Lord.'
In short, she claims no exclusivity = no interest but assures Will it's not everybody's fate to be champions - fry cooks and bus drivers have their place in the world too.
Just as the taunting seems to have ended, Sue receives a page that she needs to feed her gimp.
Also, Principal Figgins wants to see her and Mr Schue in the office.
To tell them that he's cutting their budgets. Sue, predictably, is furious.
Mr Schue is equally distraught - 10% of the Glee budget is going to be cut and we already know that they get slim pickings as it is.
Figgins' decision is supported by....
Who are you?
Ken Tanaka's sister maybe?
Oh! You're Shannon Beiste, you say? The new football coach, since poor ol' Ken Tanaka has had a nervous breakdown.
Figgins' tries to convince them that it's a great idea - investing in the American football team means alumni will donate money to the school, which means Glee and the Cheerios will get money too.
In the future.
Also, is it me, or why is it only these two societies who ever seem to get their budgets cut? I saw a gardening club sign up sheet - surely they could do with sharing a spade or two?
Sue directs her ire toward this new person.
Sue: 'First of all: female football coach, like a male nurse - sin against nature. Number two: I'm sure you're used to your hilbilly parents yelping in adolation at you as they attempt to impregnante the tail pipes of various off-road vehicles but you're in my house, Beiste. Nobody comes into my house...and steals from me.'
Beiste: 'Do NOT get up in the Panther's Business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelette.'
Sue: 'That...doesn't make any sense.'
Will tries to step in and diplomatically break it up (because obviously, he is suicidal) but is promptly and efficiently shut down by The Beiste. Sue gets oinked at.
At the next Glee rehearsal, Mr Schue starts off the rehearsal by reading some comments off Jacob's blog, which is probably the worse way to raise morale I've heard since time immemorial.
Kurt points out that they already know people don't like them - they just don't care any more.
Will claims that their indifference to the rest of the school's reaction to them is great - however, other students from the school aren't interested in joining Glee because of it. Because Matt (wait, who? Ohhh, the other football guy. Who never spoke. Meh. I doubt anyone's going to miss him) transferred to another school, they only have 11 members instead of 12, so may not be able to take part in Glee competitions. Also, Mr Schue is tired of them being the outsiders, the 'rebels' - he wants to transform Glee into a 'giant wall of sound'.
Rachel agrees with him (of course) and Finn agrees with her (duh).
So Mr Schue proposes that they take their music to the rest of the school, and show them how cool they can be, and how cool Glee really is.
How cool is he? (Rhetorical question)
It's your typical lunchtime. In a typical American high school.
But hark! What's this? Some funky stuff seems to be going down, yo...
In theme with the location of the Nationals, the Glee Kids let it rip with their version of 'Empire State of Mind'.
I can honestly say Finn's rapping left me speechless.
Man, I *love* watching Brittany and Santana dance *gets gleefully giddy*
A couple of the other students are caught enjoying the show...
Look! Look! It's Charice!
..but they are ignored by the majority of the student body. Nobody even throws them some change for their trouble - they are completely and utterly ignored.
Will storms into Sue's office, irate - not only did the other students not respond, the sign up sheet was defaced too, with names he says aren't even amusing.
Sue says not to be mean - she put a lot of thought into thinking up those names. As far as Sue is concerned, this is a wake up call that Will sorely needs - if Beiste gets what she wants, then the Glee club will be even further affected.
They decide to scheme together to overthrow the Beiste.
He's scrunching up paper. That means he's serious folks.
Finn has made some 'supermasculine' posters to encourage some of the jocks to join the Glee club.
Suddenly, he hears a voice in the changing rooms - kinda like when Mr Schue first heard him sing. It's the transfer student that Finn had seen tapping his foot during the Glee performance earlier (blonde dude in the pictures above), singing into his soap.
Finn watches him intently - something I find quite creepy and disconcerting, but I guess it's to allow the audience to soak up what it is exactly that they're seeing.
Finn's voice over says he would have joined in with the singing but, y'know, the guy's nakey.
At least he realised how creepy he was, because I was beginning to think an entire summer dating Rachel had robbed him of his sense completely.
Rachel's posters to motivate and encourage her fellow students to join are slight more self-centred, offering people the change to 'co-star' with her exclusively, as though she's the only one in the club.
*Exaggerated sigh and rolling of the eyes*
She's sticking them up in the girls' toilets (which is slightly random, but okaaaay, suspension of belief ACTIVATED) when in walks the girl Rachel noted earlier.
Rachel, upon noticing her presence, approaches her, saying something about noticing the girl admiring her in the courtyard during the performance (like there weren't ten other kids going at it as hard as her *kiss my teeth*) and then assumes Charice can't speak English [she misheard - her earphones were in] and starts that painfully torturous way of speaking slowly that only the severely socially warped use: "YOU LIKE ME SING. YOU LIKE ME SING VERY MUCH."Did you hear that noise?
That was my head meeting my desk.
Even after Sunshine proves she speaks English, Rachel goes on some ramble about how she's named Sunshine because she's from the Phillipines, where there's sunshine everyday.
Sunshine: Except for the monsoons -Rachel blithely carries on in her incredibly patronising manner, but before the hand of fate can intervene with a severe back hand, she wanders off and Sunshine starts sanging.
No, I don't means singing. I did actually mean sanging, to imply some sort of extra soul that went into the delivery.
It's 'Telephone' by Lady Gaga and Beyoncé.
Rachel is obviously threatened by the proficiency Sunshine is showing and starts singing too (no, she's not sanging), creating this weird little sing off, that Sunshine isn't even aware is happening, thinking it's more of a duet.
Oh Rachel, your insecurities are more obvious than Superman's underwear.
There's a lot of hair tossing and nose flaring but before it can escalate (what next? Foot stomping and hand wagging?) Sue enters and tells them to zip it.
Sunshine tells Rachel that actually, she'd love to join Glee, though Rachel's hyperventilation proves that there's not a chance in hell she's going to allow this girl to rival her. She says she'll get back to Sunshine about auditions and not to tell anyone about it.
In an unrelated note, I really want Rachel's outfit. Maybe a longer skirt though, because I don't want to be arrested for public indecency.
And I also want Sunshine's bag - it's Hello Kitty!
The Beiste is not impressed with Finn's attempted recruitment of his American football team for the Glee club:
Beiste: 'The Panther is not cool with doing anything except exactly what she says without question.'How long is this self-referral and talking about herself in the third person going to continue?
After crushing Finn's gentle, artistic soul, she then proceeds to cut him off the team. Along with everybody else. They all have to go through try-outs to prove they're good enough.
Just as she says this, a pizza guy comes in with 25 pizza pies with everything on it for Coach Beiste.
Everyone's like WTH? Including Coach Beiste, who claims she didn't order any pizzas.
The culprits are actually Sue and Will, sniggering outside of the door like a couple of kids.
Yes, I see how this plan will work - destroy her soul with food. Oh no! Not pizza! The mozzarella will be the end of me! Sue bases this plan on what she assumes to have been a hellish high school for Beiste, thinking that the pizza harassment will bring back all the devastating memories and break the Beiste, causing her to quit and restoring the budgets of the Cheerios and Glee.
Or, she could just buy the pizza, give it to the team, therefore preventing the pizza guy from having to re-use his kid's nappies for another week. Which she does. She still makes the team do exercise though and declares that the first ten people to throw up will be thrown off the team.
Meeting Will and Sue outside the changing rooms, she kindly tells them that there's pizza that they can help themselves to if they want, and then walks off smirking.
Will and Sue: 0 The Beiste: 1
And now Artie wants to join the football team, in an effort to win Tina back from Mike Chang, who she fell in love with over the summer at Asian camp (Asian camp? Really?? REALLY?!) whilst trying to teach tech-obsessed kids about the arts.
Cue a flashback featuring excessive amounts of Mike Chang swanning about with an open shirt, showing off his chesticle area.
I think he does it in slow motion. I think it's supposed to be crazy sensual. I think...I need to have a bit of a lie-down.
And then they can't take it any more and thow themselves at each other in a fit of what I'm sure the writers would label as 'Asian lust' *side-eyes the writers*.
A fascinated kid takes pictures.
Artie thinks that Tina dumped him because he doesn't have abs like Mike and not because he neglected her over the summer, playing marathon rounds of Halo and watching his favourite movie over and over again. He manages to persuade Finn that he would be a phenomonal asset on the playing field once someone pushes him down it.
I think a comparison to a cannonball is used.
He agrees to help Artie as long as Artie helps him persuade Sam (you know, Shower Dude?) into joining Glee.
Sam's in front of all the Glee guys, being questioned about himself and the topic of the size of his mouth comes up. Puck asks how many tennis balls he can fit in there, to which Sam replies, he's never had any balls in his mouth before, has Puck?
I don't know if I can comment on it without sounding extremely dirty. So I'm just going to compare it to the lead singer of Aerosmith and leave it at that.
He then proceeds to sing 'Billionaire' by Travy McCoy. I really liked his version, it was really sweet. Though I have to admit, I was kind of fixated on his mouth through the entire performance. It's kind of hard not to.
Artie joins in at the rap, which makes me laugh, because it's like he's now the official rapper of the group (he did it for 'Empire State of Mind' as well.) The jamming session is over and the guys look at each other, brimming with bromance - they've found a brother in Sam, and he agrees to come back for auditions
Rachel attempts to persuade Mercedes and Kurt of the danger Sunshine poses to them as her 'lesser Glee clubbers who don't get as many solos' and that this is why she has paid someone $100 to throw a slushie in Sunshine's face to prevent her from joining Glee.
I have seen glass windows less transparent (namely, on the buses during winter, but you know what I mean). For those that are unaware, Rachel has previously shown she couldn't give a flying fig about anyone else as far as her own ambition is concerned. She's like a steam roller - those in her path become road kill.
Not only are Kurt and Mercedes not convinced, they condemn her actions (and her), since they see any opportunity to beat Vocal Adrenaline (their main rivals who crushed them in the last series) as a good opportunity.
Rachel seems to see their point and goes to give Sunshine the address and directions to the auditions.
If you're not making a 'huh?' face, you should be, since the auditions are usually held in the school auditiorium.
In short, Rachel's up to something. And it's not going to be good for anyone but Rachel.
In the staff room, Sue hustles a couple of teachers away from a table, and claims to Beiste that the seats are being occupied by her ghost friends. She tries Will's table but he goes along with Sue and says the seats are taken. The Beiste is unimpressed and disappointed - she'd been warned about Sue, but had been told Will was different. Obviously, that was a mistake.
Oh. She hit him where it hurts - his conscience.
The Beiste sorts herself out in the changing room, as the American football team comes in. Puck asks if she's crying, and she says she is, but that it's because she's just seen their stats report from the previous season. So The Beiste is in the changing rooms, feeling more than a wee bit sensitive, when Finn comes in with Artie.
To say this is not the best moment would be a gross understatement.
At first she thinks it's a joke, but then when she realises he's serious, she kicks Finn off the team for making her look like a monster for having to refuse Artie's request. Finn's flippant use of the word 'Dude' is enough to flip her pancake and make her throw a major fit. The whole thing is being viewed by the entire team, including Sam (you now, Shower
In other events, Quinn is trying out for the Cheerios again. Sue doesn't even want to entertain the thought of it again, but Quinn persuades her with talk of potential sponsorship by Christian groups for 'rehabilitating' a teenage girl who was pregnant but now campaigns for abstinence.
Even worse, Finn auditions.
If there's one reason you need to watch it, it's because of this bit.
Mainly because I was cringing so much that I couldn't see so I can't describe it to you.
He's basically suffering an identity crisis after being kicked off the American football team and wants to be popular again ¬_¬
Will, Finn and the Beist are all in Figgins office, Will trying to help get Finn back on the team. But it works against them - The Beist throws Will's assertion of Finn's character back in his face after the way he behaved towards her earlier with Sue.
As a wise woman once said, karma is a boomerang that will come back and bust you in the eye.
Sue has Santana in her office over Santana's breast implants, which involves a moment of Sue talking to Santana's bosoms, as they're so distracting. In short, she re-instates Quinn as head cheerleader, doubting Santana's confidence. She also demotes Santana, a.k.a Boobs McGee, to the bottom of the pyramid, so that in the case of collapse....yeah. I mean, for Sue, it's a surprisingly moment (underneath all the crass comments about melons and jug) showing how well she can read a person.
Santana starts a fight with Quinn, blaming her for informing Sue of her surgery (like it wasn't already really obvious).
They start 'fighting' (Brittany: 'Stop the violence.').
I was kind of disappointed - I thought Santana would start, you know, fighting. With her fists and stuff. But no, it's your typical girl fight, all pushing and ponytail tugging. Eh, I guess fights are difficult to choreograph, but still. The boys got to throw punches.
Will disrupts the fight but the anger is still there...probably simmering somewhere deep under all that fake tan.
So, it's five to five, and the entire Glee Club is waiting for someone - anyone - to turn up. We know why Sam didn't turn up - but what about Sunshine?
In other drama news, it seems Brittany is alleging that The Beiste touched her inappropriately. Obviously this is something to do with Sue plotting again.
Will comes in late, but realises that Sue is plotting again and stands his ground - this has escalated rapidly, and if you remember, his conscience is now troubled. Brittany quickly cracks under questioning. Sue is not amused at this betrayal but before they can get into it, they're interrupted by Mike and Tina wanting to talk to Will.
Apparently, Rachel sent Sunshine to a crack house.
The Asian Community (and Will) frown upon your shenanigans!
The tight knit Asian community means that Mike and Tina found out and alerted Will, who's confused. If you remember, Rachel was the one at the beginning agreeing with Will about needing new members, and sticking up posters and shiz. She claims she did it for everyone else in Glee (riiiiight....) but Will doesn't care why she did it - he just wants her to make it right.
Rachel apologises to Sunshine, who had her sheet music stolen and used as toilet paper (eeeew!). Rachel offers to buy her a new set of music, as long as she turns up to the auditorium for an audition, where she belts out a fierce rendition of Beyoncé's 'Listen'. The Glee Club is impressed.
Rachel looks a bit green, teehee. Poor old Finn can't even enjoy himself because he knows how much his missus is hating it.
Will apologises to 'The Panther', confessing that he was simply projecting his frustrations over Glee still being outcasts. At which Sue enters with 'home made cookies' - dog poop in a very bad, very stinky disguise.
Will tells her that he's not going to be a part of her hate campaign any more, at which Sue throws down the cookies and plain out declares war on him (again). I like it!
Finn finds Sam, and asks him why he was a no-show at the auditions. Sam says he wanted to, but after seeing how The Beiste kicked his ass, and hearing how everyone talks about the Glee guys, he didn't want to risk it, being the new guy. Turns out he made the team though.
Finn's old position. Ooooooo.....more bubbling tension!
Will goes to officially welcome Sunshine to the Glee Club, but it turns out he's too late - Vocal Adrenaline's new director has already poached her! (Nooooo, why did they do this, I was looking forward to seeing someone rile up Rachel...cue much gnashing of the teeth on my part.)
Sue, as vengeance, had informed Vocal Adrenaline of Sunshine's existence - I would wall slide in sadness for New Directions, but I'm loving the animosity too much. Sunshine said she would have stayed, but she thinks Rachel would have made life difficult for her.
Aw, come on! Stand up to her! Be a man! Don't take this away from me!
She leaves, watched by Kurt and Mercedes.
I simply loved the fact that the Vocal Adrenaline Director was wearing Sunshine's Hello Kitty bag.
So Rachel is all angsty because all the other Glee Club members hate her. Um, can you blame them? A crack house, girl. You sent her to a crack house!
Finn talks them out of giving her a 'Code Red', and she says he should break up with her...ur, there's some angst over how the other should break up with them because they're nothing without being a footballer/nice person but I'm not listening any more - like, Finn needs to get a hobby. Take up knitting or something. Just stop whining about football already!
Rachel again tries to use the excuse that she did it for everyone but Finn finally gives her a talking to and tells her to tell the truth - she did it for herself and her love of the spotlight. She admits it, basically also admitting that she places a higher value on her own success than that of all the other Glee Club members.
Then Rachel sings 'What I did for love' from A Chorus Line, and goes to apologise to the others.
Well, I think it's obvious that we're still not supposed to like Rachel. I actually kind of like the Beiste's character- I just want her to have a chat with Emma Pillsbury about why she should stay away the heck from Will Schuester and not fall for his slick talk, because I can see that happening and it makes me cringe.
She's too good for him.
Speaking of Emma Pillsbury, where was she? Where was her little germaphobic self? I feel deprived!
The beginning of the show seems like the makers of the show are kind of taking the mick out of all the media attention the show got, but it's nice how they blended it in with the rest of the episode as well so it didn't stand out too much. I start to crack up every time I remember how Brittany spent her holiday.
I'm glad Brittany has not changed a bit and the break down of Sue and Will's détente is a definite thumbs up for me. I love for them to hate each other, because evil Sue is Sue at her very best.
I'm not sorry Tina got with Mike Chang either - I've been gunning for him to have more of a role than last season, especially after watching Harry Shum Jr in Step Up 2 and Step Up 3 over the holidays with my family. This relationship looks like a really aweome way of setting it up so that he gets to do more. Also, Artie was really horrible to Tina on occasions last season, so I didn't give their unions too many blessings ¬_¬
I think it's brilliant how the Glee club hasn't suddenly transformed into the 'popular kids', because it gives them something to work towards, though I've got to admit, I don't get the obsession with being popular at all.
I'm so glad you're back Glee!