Writerius Dorkimus

Before the summer, I came up with a momentous idea.

I was going to make a T.V show. It would be about a Nigerian family living in Britain. And it would be based on my life (since that's the only in depth experience I have of a Nigerian family living in Britain). I got excited. I told my friends. I started arranging things.

By golly, we even had ideas for a spin off show in America.

It was going to be MASSIVE.

I remember thinking "There are close to 17 million of us! Why has no-one thought of doing this before?!"

And then I found out that somebody had.

Ka-dunk. Hey Hope. Meet your new friend, Floor.

I looked at the website for this new T.V show and saw a lot of stuff that made me raise my eyebrows so far up my forehead, they created a new hairline.

And then I saw the Contact Us box.

And then I had an idea.

And I sent in that idea as a script piece via the Contact Us.

And now I am writing for the aforementioned T.V-show-in-development.

I'm really nervous. It's extremely easy to be snooty about other people's stuff from a distance, but when you're involved, you can feel the sweat slick off your hands.

But I'm thinking I might post up my previous ideas here anyway, if you wouldn't mind.

So you can have a little chuckle at my silly ideas. And maybe say "Hey, that happened to me!"

Or, "What's yam?"

If you ask "What's yam?" I'll fall off my chair in shock - but don't worry, I'll drag myself back up to explain it to you.

Then I'll probably go and eat some yam.

Unless I'm back at uni by then (which is likely).

In which case, I'll go and get some fried chicken.

Oh, but it'll be so far...

Maybe I'll just eat a chocolate biscuit instead.

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Puddin', you're whipped...

So, I've been looking back on maybe using shea butter again. But I couldn't decide on what to put in it.

I also wanted some sort of curl cream but didn't how/what exactly to use.

And then I went over to A Natural Girls Guide to Beauty and she had posted up a curl definng recipe that also happened to contain shea butter!

How convenient!

It's almost like...almost like she was asked....*shifty look*

So, mine was basically the same recipe, though I changed the oil and I think I went over board with the Aloe Vera Gel (you know when you're counting and you can't remember if the number in your head is the next number or the one you've already counted? Yeah. I did that. Twice).

So I (think I) used:

- 5 tablespoons of Aloe Vera gel

- 1 tablespoon of Coconut Oil

- 1 tablespoon of Shea Butter

- 2 tablespoon of IC Fantasia with SparkleLites

I gently half melted the Shea butter and the coconut oil in the microwave on a low heat, and then whipped it in its intended container. Then I added the Aloe Vera gel, until that was incorporated, and then the IC Fantasia.

The finished product

Easy, right? The great thing about this recipe is you can easily change it up! I tried it on Monday, and I liked it a lot. But it has to pass my three times test, so we'll see what happens...

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I wrote the above a while ago, and then last week I found myself in the countryside, surrounded by sheep. They are cute, and fluffy, but useless when it comes to helping me with my hair. But look! What container dost I spy yonder in my suitcase? It is my curl cream and my hair is saved!

I used it on damp hair. I rubbed the product between my hands and then ran my fingers through it. Then, ka-blam! I was done. My hair was all lovely and big, and lightly hydrated. My hair is fine on top, so too much and it would have been Slick Street.

I used it mainly to style my hair into two big side puffs and my fringe, so it needed re-doing on a daily basis to maintain my ends (as I wasn't moisturising and sealing at night due to the lack of products and abundance of sheep), but I liked it a lot. It helped minimise the damage I knew I was causing to my poor old ends.

My main gripe is that since winter is fast approaching, it isn't really going to be practical for me to use this on a regular basis. I'm sad I didn't discover this earlier. But when summer comes back around, I'm going to experiment with this and my sun screen and see what I get!

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Girl, Interrupted

...by that thing known as 'life'. I'm starting university back again next week, have some writing for other people that I need to finish (because deadlines are not a suggestion), and I've been running around (or riding trains) like the proverbial headless chicken.

But I have a lot of stuffs to post up in the next couple of weeks!

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Hair-xperimentation...Southern Tease Bun

So, while I was a-wandering through BlogWorld yesterday, taking a peek in at my usuals and my not-so-usual places, when I came across mention of Mane and Chic's Southern Tease Bun.

I was like "Huh? Southern what?"

I can't lie to you.

I thought it was a food recipe or something and I was hungry.

So I skedaddled over there, and checked out her less-than-one-minute-tutorial. Simple, quick and easy! I had to try it out.

So, I took my hair out of the three strand twists I've been mucking about with. The set turned out a little bit crazy.

I think if I'd done them smaller, I would have been able to wear it out, but I wasn't in the mood for those shenanigans yesterday.

So, I followed the tutorial: Put hair into a ponytail, flicking the ponytail up, so the ends are now on top of the ponytail, and then folding the sides in. It took me two pins to hold it in, because my hair has issues with being controlled and takes a little persuading. But we got there:

KAPOW! SHAZAM! Sassy! Sophisticated! And s...s....er..smoggy picture quality ¬_¬

That's better.

Of course, my inner accessory junkie now wants to get some hair sticks, so I can slay silly smack-talkers simply with a look (okay, enough sibilance for one post). Click my fingers in a 'Z' and watch them swoon and *WEEP* (because I combine the best of class and sassy).

Can you tell I'm feeling this hairstyle? I like its simplicity and its effectiveness.

However, I had a problem, trying to decide what to do with the front. Usually, I rock my fringe...

But I wasn't feeling it together with the bun.

So, I tried a pulled back pompador/quiff thingy and I thought it looked quite nice....

From the top T_T

And unless I'ma have people standing on my head all day, this is not helpful.

So, then, I flat-twisted the fringe...

It looks better in real life than it does in the photo. Promise.

The other side started to feel neglected, so I put a flower clip there to brighten it up a little.

Flower: £3.50 from a pack of 2 from Claire's Accessories

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McFly Memory Moment

Everybody I know is really happy that the members of the band 'McFly' have gotten all buffed up and ripped and now they can perv appreciate them in a purely aesthetic manner T_T

But now they've gotten all rocky and R 'n' B and 'hot' (*gag*) and stuff, their videos have changed! Have you seen Party Girl? I'm a notorious prude and I definitely can't watch that with my parents in the room! Duuudes! Come ON. Pity me a little!

I'm not saying that their new song doesn't make me tap my feet when I'm washing up the dishes.

I just saying whenever the song comes onto the TV, I change the channels, because so-called sexiness combined with vampires makes me highly uncomfortable.

So, this is in memory to the silly McFly of my teenage years.

Sometimes their eyebrows didn't match their hair.

They had an overt fondness for fake moustaches and never seemed to get the girl.

Your little sister thought they were pretty cute, which should've made them as desirable as Justin Bieber to a 28 year old lesbian.

I wasn't really supposed to like them, but I did anyway.

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Washing My Hair = Task And A Half.

OMG! A Monday post!

Wow. So this is what productive people feel like.

So, I fell off my handstand, broke my vase, made a profit from my cat drawing and ended up taking the twists down.

I realised that the technique my sister used wasn't simply two strand twists, but sister twists.

Sister twists differ in that you roll/twist the hair strands before you twist them. This stretches them further, making them leaner, so they show more length and, apparently, last longer.

However, when they're done on my hair and you take them up, the strands are lank and long, so I can't get a proper twist-out, as I'll have messed some of them up whilst taking them down, and the ends get all clingy with each other.

Anyhoooo, my scalp had been making noise, so this was a perfect chance to try out the shampoo thing I'd done previously. I didn't post though, since I wanted to make sure the results weren't a fluke. This is the second time, and then I'll try it a third time in another two weeks, and we'll see if I keep getting consistent results.

The only thing different from the last time is that there isn't any Comb-Thru Softener in my hair, though I did do a half hour pre-shampoo protein treatment and a scalp scrub:

White sugar - It's far gentler, cheaper exfoliant than salt

Brown sugar - It's even gentler than white sugar.

Blackstrap Molasses - Adds softness and sheen to the hair; Adds strength to weak and/or thinning hair (check the back of the jar to see the nutrients!)

Honey - Humectant, that attracts water to it; Helps scrub mixture stick together

Bicarbonate of soda (Baking soda) - Used to clarify the scalp of build up.

African Black Soap - Put in out of habit, really. Useful if you're not going to use shampoo on your scalp.

Amla - Prevents hair loss; Has conditioning properties; Prevents premature greying

Shikakai - Cleanses the hair without stripping it of its natural oils

Hibiscus - Prevents hair loss; Encourages hair growth; Mucilage gives shine to hair

Coconut Milk - Mild protein treatment; Nourishes hair; Encourages hair growth

Olive Oil - Nourishment of the hair shaft.

Scalp Scrub

- 1 tablespoon of white sugar

- 1 tablespoon of brown sugar

- 1 tablespoon of molasses

- 1 tablespoon of honey

- A quarter of 1 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda (baking soda)

- And then a small chunk of African soap dissolved in hot water

• Separate your hair into however many sections you regularly use to wash. Apply the scrub to the partings in between each section.
  
  
• Now concentrate on each section separately. Remember to get to the scalp in each section. I do this by further parting my hair and applying the scrub that way, then re-doing the section.

So, while was is in my hair, I also did the protein treatment:

Pre-Shampoo Protein Treatment

- Half a can (200ml) of coconut milk

- 2 tablespoons of Honey

- 1 tablespoon of Olive Oil

• Mix together, and make sure the honey dissolves well. The oil will float on top, but that's not a problem.
  
  
• Pour this over (dry) hair. Make sure that your hair is saturated from the roots to the ends and then put a cap (or a plastic carrier bag if you've been caught short T_T).

Then wandered around half an hour and do stuff. Like, you know.

Stuffs.

• When your time with the treatment is up, rinse it out.

Next is the herbal powder paste shampoo, courtesy of MoptopMaven:

Herbal Powder Paste Shampoo

2 tablespoons of Amla

2 tablespoons of Shikakai

1 tablespoon of Hibiscus Flower Petals

• Make a tea of the hibiscus flower petals, and let it cool.
  
  
• Strain the tea into another container, and dissolved the Amla and Shikakai powders into the tea. Mix well, to form a thick paste.
  
  
  Mmmm....YUMM-AY!
  
  
  
• Apply to your hair, and if you're not using a scrub, made sure to gently massage some into your scalp with your fingertips.

The original instructions say to leave it on for 15 minutes, but it takes me a while to apply it thoroughly, so I usually wind up having it for up to 30 minutes on the first section. I love the colour of the hibiscus, which may be why it ended up everywhere. Also, the mixture stains slightly, so don't wear your best whites when you do it.

• Rinse thoroughly. This takes a while, so be prepared. If it helps, direct the spray from the shower directly at the root and then let the water run off dissolve the shampoo in your hair.
  
  
• Then condition as normal!

I modified the Herbal Powder Paste Shampoo a little, since the first time I did it, the Hibiscus Flower Petals were a NIGHTMARE to rinse out of my hair. A complete and utter NIGHTMARE. *Cries at the memory*

Even though I strained it, some still managed to get into my hair [/did an inefficient job].

If you do both the scrub AND the protein treatment, be prepared for drips. Like, A LOT. I can literally say I had it coming out of my ears.

But afterwards, my hair felt really clean and strong, but not with that stripped feeling. Plus, no breakage. And my hair separated like buttah. I didn't de-tangle because I didn't need to.

Which was a relief, because all in all, it took me 2 hours and 45 minutes to do everything.

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Sitting on my hands...

Well, not exactly. I'm trying to think of a way to prevent me unraveling the twists my sister did for me. She's transitioning (or just stretching between relaxers for a veeerrrry long time) and she wanted to practise on my hair. I'm the only person in the family with accessible hair at the moment, so I guess she didn't have much choice.

Here they are:

Pretty good, no? *Strokes moustache* They're quite slim though, which I'm not used to, but that's not such a bad thing.

And now I want to take them down.

Is it because I have some amazingly inventive hairstyle that I just HAVE to try?

Like, right now?

No. It's because I'm bored and I miss my fro.

See, when I was watching 'My Girlfriend is a Gumiho', I had no such problems! ¬_¬

So what can one do, when one wants to touch up one's hair, but must resist (without resorting to sitting on your hands)? I came up with this list:

1 - Draw a picture. Maybe a cat. Try and auction it off on ebay for more than £25 , claiming that it's some form of modern art. Charge twice as much for an autographed version. Everybody should own a

2 - Make up a dance to a really upbeat song you like. Include a LOT of jazz hands. Even if it's a hip hop song. Actually, ESPECIALLY if it's a hip hop song. Bonus points if you can get a cheery high kick in to a rap song!

3 - Drag out your make-up bag and put on the most obscene eyeshadow/lipstick you own. Who said blue lipstick and red eyeshadow don't go? You're going to work it, heck yeah!

4 - Go into the garden and dead head some plants. and dig up some weeds. It's doubly essential to make sure you only pick weeds if it's not your garden.

5 - Paper planes. Oh, they're so under-rated as a fidgety hand distractor! If you're intent on making the best paper aeroplane ever, the instructions are (apparently) here.

6 - Do a handstand. Ha, let's see you try and touch your hair now!

7 - Grab some clay (if you can manage to get your hands on some at such short notice) and make a vase. Or a mug. Or a blob man. There is nothing wrong with blob men. Just try not to scare yourself, right?

8 - Learn how to knit or crochet. It's possible to make a hat in your free time in a couple of days! Even if you don't manage to get it immediately, the time it'll take you to untangle your poor fingers from the yarn should be quite a while...

9 - Lift some hardcore weights! (or maybe some baked beans cans, I can't lie, I'm not qualified for properweights yet *weeps*).

10 - Give yourself a facial. Savvy Brown has one here, if you want to whip something up with what you have at home. Dudes can do them too - rosemary, eucalyptus and tea tree don't smell that feminine. Like, at all.

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Hand Care = Hair Care

So, looking after your hand will help you look after your hair.

You're rolling your eyes at me now, saying "Yeah, yeah, nails and hair are made up of the same keratin protein type, so if I eat stuff to look after my nails, my hair will also be looked after."*

*Cuts her eyes at you for getting fresh and being a smart-alek.*

*Smiles at you for being assertive and extra knowledgeable*

That's cool, and you do that, but I don't mean by eating foods to help sustain and manage their growth (though I can't see how this would hurt).

Wool and silk are also made up of similar keratin proteins to your hair and nails, but you can see that their structure is extremely different. However, one thing they all have in common is that they all have to be handled carefully.

You see that? Handled carefully.

For those that DIY, and even those that don't, you are going to experience some form of hand entering your hair in order to wash it, apply product to it, and style it. And with your hands...come your nails.

If you have a sharp point somewhere, you know it's possible for you to catch your clothes on it and cause a tear.

So if you have jagged nails it is equally likely that your hair can, and may, catch on the rough edges, causing breakage.

- Wearing gloves whilst washing up will prevent the harsh detergents drying out your nails and making them brittle, and less liable to chip, and less likely you catch your hair on it!

Plus, on the back of the detergent container, they usually tell you to wear gloves anyway...

- If you're someone who always forgets to put gloves on, (or you can't be bothered with the faffery) rubbing sweet almond oil into your nails may help to strengthen and protect them because constantly putting them in water can dry them out.

- To avoid this breakage from jagged edges, I gently file my nails every day (to prevent having to cut them, because I suck at doing that and have much ph34r of the ingrown nails), usually whilst on the bus. I don't use metal ones, because they're too rough for my nails - I use emery boards. They may look hard as ...um, nails, but your nails are still very fragile. There are videos on Youtube if you want the correct technique.

- Stop opening stuff with your nails! If you have to open one of those irritating pull rings on the baked beans cans that NEVER seems to lift, use blunt knife, or the handle of a spoon. I know you're hungry, but come on...you're better than that! (It's like when relatives open cans of Supermalt with their teeth. I want to fall to the floor in sorrow).

- Please remember that your nails are not a snack. You can use an anti-bite solution, or put some karela juice on it (which is just as nasty - they don't call it the bitter melon for nothing!). Or get a particularly annoying and naggy friend to watch out for you biting your nails.

- If you've got an itchy scalp, please do not scratch with your nails. Rub it with your fingertips - or even better give yourself a scalp massage.

Look at her jagged nails. Now look at her hair. POINT MADE!

Okay. I think that's enough talk of jagged edges.

Actually, no, one more.

*confirmed by The Natural Haven, in the top paragraph

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Geekery leads to mass delay

Okay.

Hi everyone. My name is A Simple Thing.

And I... have a problem.

It's pretty serious. I can honestly say it's affecting my life. It's depressing really. Finally managing to throw off the shackles on one addiction, only to fall into the grasp of another.

I'm talking about: K-drama.

For those who don't know, K-drama is basically Korean drama series. They're short in that they (usually) don't go on for years at a time, and the scheduled air time can be as short as a month.

At the moment, my current crack drama of choice is called 'My Girlfriend is a Gumiho'. Gumiho means Nine-Tailed Fox, and you can read the wiki article here, as I'm too lazy to regale you with the mythology facts.

But seriously? Another nine-tailed fox? As if my Naruto addiction wasn't bad enough?!

The plot can be summed up as: A boy frees a gumiho from a painting and she decides to stick to him, and this effects his life in all manner of sweet and comedic way.

Of course, it's a lot more complicated than that, and adorably so. Every time Shin Min Ah (the female lead) and Lee Seung Ki (the male lead) are in a scene together, I want to be the irritating friend in the background, slyly peering over a handy magazine or newspaper, silently cheering them on. They're ridiculously adorable! I love the plot, and the way it's playing out. I'm excited about the rest of the episodes that haven't been released yet and so impatient about it that I keep getting distracted.

This basically sums it all up...

The series is in the Korean language, but you can find the one with English subtitles easily on site such as MySoju.

Levels of geekery revealed:

If you are a absolute novice: When you press the play button, you think 'Oh crud, I'm going to have to read'

If you're intermediate: You're so used to the subtitles, you think you can actually understand Korean (or whatever language you're watching in). Convinced of this, you take a second or more to look away, they say something and you think "What? What?! What was that?!" Cue hurriedly rewinding the clip to get the subtitles...

If you're advanced: You've actually picked up some of the language! Well, mainly the swear words....(they're the only ones ever said by themselves!)

If you're seriously advanced: You don't even need subtitles. Subtitles are for WIMPS! You're so hardcore, you're a subber!*

So far, 'My Girlfriend is a Gumiho' is why I'm neglecting my dissertation work. And only half of the episodes have been released so far!

If your interest has been peaked, the site I like for info is Dramabeans ^_^

I'm afraid that I'm too much of a coward to take any responsibility if you get addicted. My sister's on it already...she's so mad at me that only half the episodes have been released, I'm sleeping with one eye open.

*Someone who is kind enough to subtitle the TV shows from it's original language into another.

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Purple Ambition: Part 2

So, I went to the salon where I'd had my consultation. I'd told myself that if I couldn't get the colour I wanted, I wasn't going to do it (because I'm resolute like that, yo).

The lady who spoke to me was kind and gently explained to me that no, the (Aveda Colour Care) system they used didn't have the shade of purple I wanted.

The closest they had was something they called 'magenta' and I called 'pink'.

I'm not walking around with bright pink hair. It might suit other people but not me. I'd have to wear pink all the time so that I'd match! (/melodramatic vanity)

So, I didn't do it.

At that salon.

Walking home, I entered another one that I'd gone into a while ago, the had a sign saying they specialised in Afro Caribbean hair. And then my hair was bleached and dyed.

I'd like to point out something: The bleach is permanent. The purple dye is semi-permanent, so in about 6 washes it should come out and fade to a honey-brown/orange, and I'll have to put the dye in again.

So, uh, here it is:

Bargain Andrex puppy in the background FTW!

Wheee! I'm Yoruichi-san!

I'm happy with the colour - I wanted one that wasn't too obvious (because I suspect that the amount of bleach it would have taken to make it brighter would have made my hair drop out before it actually got there) but shows up under sunlight. This also makes it easier to disguise for job interviews and stuff.

However, the coverage isn't too great. When she was applying it, I saw she was having a bit of difficulty because the applicator brush kept getting stuck in my hair, so there's still some orangey bits.

Can you see the brown parts? Yeah, I'm have to deal with them later...

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Purple Ambition

So, I have wanted purple hair since...forever. But I've only seriously considered doing it since I actually started doing my hair. No clip-ins - none of them are the same texture, and my scalp is notoriously fussy.

But then I started considering what I wanted to do: What shade of purple did I want exactly? How badly would I have to bleach my hair to get it to the desired shade? How much damage would it do? Am I prepared to deal with that amount of damage?

I read Alice's (of Diary of a Kinky Coily Transitioner) description of bleaching her hair magenta pink by herself.

She also describes the bleach burns. I was like "Oh, hell nawh!" and decided to get it done professionally if I was going to use the harsh chemicals, and without a blowdry, it'll cost me £15 (though I suspect I will have to walk home with a dripping wet head).

If I was too afraid of hydrogen peroxide, I considered using Naturtint. However, I got put off because I've tried Herbatint a few months ago and it didn't work.

Like, at all.

And it was £.7.99, so as a student, I felt that loss seriously. I didn't eat for like, 5 hours.

Plus, they didn't have a shade near enough to the colour I want (yes, I am that shallow).

So, I'm throwing my hands up. I'm going to try an apparent compromise and use a salon that used the Aveda Colour system. I went for a consultation and patch test yesterday, to prevent me turning into a gremlin as it transforms. And tomorrow, hopefully, I will have purple hair!

I can't lie. I'm nervous.

Just to let you know, I heavily resisted the urge to put Prince's Purple Rain in this post. I know y'all are grateful.

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