|There are layers to this madness. Also, the rest of it is in my room.|
Looking at this basket full of...well, stuff, I sigh.
My body feels heavy.
Why do I keep hoarding?I find it so easy to tell myself that I'm actually quite minimalistic compared to some people but I know that the only area of my life that I'm truly pleased with how much (little?) I have is my skin care routine. I half want to push it all into a cupboard for another year, shoving my hand in intermittently for whatever single product I desire (ignoring all others!) and then rinse and repeat for the new year 2019.
Naaah. I can feel that this year is a going to be a year of letting go.
And jeez, isn't that a scary thought? To let go? To release? It's almost easier to stay in the spaces we've set out for ourselves than to explore the frightening liberation of a huge world without the weight. To stay buried under all the things I persuaded myself I needed in order to succeed at my hair goals and thus at life.
This year, I want to get down to mid back length (I'm about an inch or two away from my back bra strap). Having this hoard is definitely not going to help me get there. Lemme strip back and find what works for me, rather than trying to (unsuccessfully) emulate the success of others.
I'm still going to
So rather than: 'wash deep condition strengthen condition stretch moisturise wait to dry style for twenty years go go go'...I want to just do one at a time and do it well. Does that make sense? I feel really wishy washy here and vague with my ramblings, but I know what I mean in my belly. I can feel the fire starting to crackle there for the fighting and struggling and fear and anxiety coming this year and I'm determined to face it without the weight of somebody else's armour.
- Keep using henna.
- Moisturise regularly using my herb teas.
- Decide what products I like and will actually use (I'm a sucker for a good smell or a natural hair fad). I am currently building a spreadsheet and dear God, it is a behemoth of a thing. I know I'll be grateful when it's done but right now, it feels like extreme self-flagellation by Excel 😂
- Get rid of products I'm ambivalent about [including through this blog and instagram].
- Keep my needs and routines simple.
- Connect with people, not 'brands', on Instagram. (You know what I mean. Can't have a conversation with an actual person, just getting media snippets and regurgitated niceties. If I don't know where their general interests lay...well, no ma'am, no ham, no thank you.)